"There's four of us, plus luggage," I said, "so we'll need a big car. An SUV, like a Bolero or a Scorpio."
"Okayokaynoproblem, tomorrow, ninethirty, big car from farmhouse to Mamallapuram."
The next day we woke up at the farmhouse in the countryside an hour's drive from Chennai where Roopa's family had housed us for her wedding. It poured rain. I sat on the porch, watched the puddles grow and tried to learn some Tamil from the woman who had slept on a cot on the porch, watching the house and taking care of it. She spoke no English, so it was quite fruitless, but I learned that "Chair" was "Tchair" and "Tani" was rain. At 9:30, the rain stopped. At 9:45, the car pulled up. It was a Tata Indigo, the ubiquitous five-seat midsize Indian sedan.
"This is a small car, it won't carry us"
"Qualis problem." Said the driver.
"What is a Qualis?" I asked
"Yeh Yeh, Qualis."
"So there's a Qualis problem?"
"Yes, yes, problem Qualis."
"But what's a Qualis? Where's the SUV?"
"No no Qualis."
"Well guys, it seems there's a Qualis problem," I told the group.
"What's a Qualis?"
"We'll find out, I guess. Maybe it's something on the road, like flooding from the rain"
"Or a protest"
"Or a landslide."
"There's supposed to be a wild elephant somewhere in India that's attacking cars"
We got into the Indigo with three small ladies, one extra large dude, three extra large backpack and one ginormous rolling suitcase. It was cramped in the back, but I had shotgun, so that didn't really matter. We got rolling, on the lookout for bandits, landmines, man-eating tigers and other potential Qualises. Half an hour later, we pulled up behind a green SUV I didn't recognize. I read the name plate.
"Is that a...
....Toyota Qualis?!"
"Yes, yes, Qualis, Qualis problem, problem engine Qualis," said the driver.
"Oooooh, there was a problem with the Qualis? With it's engine?"
"yes yes yes."
We cracked up. For the rest of the trip, any problem was a Qualis. The Internet cafes being closed on a Sunday when Adrian needed to figure out her next move was a Qualis. The roach the size of my fist in the bedroom of the houseboat was a small Qualis I quietly resolved before before Sofya could see it and turn it into a major Qualis. The mysterious holes that appeared on the soles of Andrea's feet were a small Qualis.
"Maybe they're polio?" she asked "What's yer Qualis? P-p-p-polio worms?"
"Okayokaynoproblem, tomorrow, ninethirty, big car from farmhouse to Mamallapuram."
The next day we woke up at the farmhouse in the countryside an hour's drive from Chennai where Roopa's family had housed us for her wedding. It poured rain. I sat on the porch, watched the puddles grow and tried to learn some Tamil from the woman who had slept on a cot on the porch, watching the house and taking care of it. She spoke no English, so it was quite fruitless, but I learned that "Chair" was "Tchair" and "Tani" was rain. At 9:30, the rain stopped. At 9:45, the car pulled up. It was a Tata Indigo, the ubiquitous five-seat midsize Indian sedan.
"This is a small car, it won't carry us"
"Qualis problem." Said the driver.
"What is a Qualis?" I asked
"Yeh Yeh, Qualis."
"So there's a Qualis problem?"
"Yes, yes, problem Qualis."
"But what's a Qualis? Where's the SUV?"
"No no Qualis."
"Well guys, it seems there's a Qualis problem," I told the group.
"What's a Qualis?"
"We'll find out, I guess. Maybe it's something on the road, like flooding from the rain"
"Or a protest"
"Or a landslide."
"There's supposed to be a wild elephant somewhere in India that's attacking cars"
We got into the Indigo with three small ladies, one extra large dude, three extra large backpack and one ginormous rolling suitcase. It was cramped in the back, but I had shotgun, so that didn't really matter. We got rolling, on the lookout for bandits, landmines, man-eating tigers and other potential Qualises. Half an hour later, we pulled up behind a green SUV I didn't recognize. I read the name plate.
"Is that a...
....Toyota Qualis?!"
"Yes, yes, Qualis, Qualis problem, problem engine Qualis," said the driver.
"Oooooh, there was a problem with the Qualis? With it's engine?"
"yes yes yes."
We cracked up. For the rest of the trip, any problem was a Qualis. The Internet cafes being closed on a Sunday when Adrian needed to figure out her next move was a Qualis. The roach the size of my fist in the bedroom of the houseboat was a small Qualis I quietly resolved before before Sofya could see it and turn it into a major Qualis. The mysterious holes that appeared on the soles of Andrea's feet were a small Qualis.
"Maybe they're polio?" she asked "What's yer Qualis? P-p-p-polio worms?"
Hi Sam! Just a hopeful Armenia Fulbright applicant who stumbled on your blog. It was fantastic to read about your stories--I think you've convinced me to go for a PCV position if Fulbright doesn't work out. Thanks for the great reading material!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Lucyg (I can't figure out how to email/private message you)-
ReplyDeleteGlad you're enjoying the stories. If you go far back enough, you'll find the story about me and the 2010-2011 Fulbrights and the hilarious time we almost died in a car crash!
Oh, wait, that won't encourage you to come to Armenia. Remember I said almost! Things are pretty cool here (or "hangist," as Armenians say). Best of luck in everything!